(New Athlete) Getting to the Door is a job in itself (see Gym Rule #1). Then dropping my ego is a task too hard to handle. But NOW you’re telling me I have to learn another language? You’ve got to be kidding me.
I’ll try to explain the lingo as best I can. When you open the door to your AFFILIATE, or local BOX, look for the nearest COACH, but not THE COACH; that’s a different person altogether. You might meet a few other athletes and hear them talking about the upcoming OPEN.
(New Athlete) Wait what? I thought “open” was an action verb not an event?
They could just be talking about the GAMES.
(New Athlete) Ummm? Are we playing Monopoly? Scrabble? I didn’t bring my dictionary.
Don’t worry, just follow everyone at the start of class to the WHITEBOARD and listen to the WOD brief. Good luck if you show up on the first day and have to do a HERO WOD, like MURPH. Even better, it could be the GIRLS, the NASTY GIRLS, or the monster FILTHY 50.
(New Athlete) Am I at a strip club? I didn’t bring dollar bills…anybody got change for a twenty?
Alright, I understand its confusing or at least different uses of terms. The workout is usually a small METCON, Rounds For Time (RFT), an AMRAP, or maybe a cool EMOM. You might get lucky and you’ll find your 1RM! It’s always great to hit a PR!!
(New Athlete) My what?!? Is that a body part? What am I going to hit?
No, NO! The movement might be an OLY lift of SNATCH.
(New Athlete) What lift of my what?!?
Sorry. I get it. It’s tough to follow the wording. Just relax, we’ll probably yank some CLEANS, heavy THRUSTERS or my favorite…JERKS!
(New Athlete) Excuse me? I’m not cleaning anything of what you just said.
Talk a chill Dude! You might get lucky and do a YGIG with some built in rest. It’ll be good to work on some GPP at RX. Maybe you need to do it SCALED or BANDED. That’s good too. Just make sure you can do STRICT before KIPPING especially for the MUSCLE UPS, DIPS, and HSPUs.
(New Athlete) [Wide-eyed and Confused] Umm………….
We might not be so lucky and have to do FIGHT GONE BAD with SDHPs and ROWER for CALS. Or they might try to slap us with PISTOLS; Yikes! Just pray we don’t have to do DOUBLE UNDERS! But that doesn’t matter either because you can just do SINGLES. The workout could be a COUPLET with WALLBALLS and BEAR CRAWLS or they could make it a TRIPLET and add GHDs. Killer!
(New Athlete) [Nervously] I think I might have to pee…
Oh, ok. The bathroom? Go past the PARALETTES under the RINGS by the ABMATS. Once you get to the BUMPERS, hang a left at the SANDBAGS near the RIG where we do T2B and KNEES TO ELBOWS. When you get to the door and loose the ego, don’t forget to come back because we’re about to kill FRAN, GRACE, and ISABEL!
(New Athlete) OMG! WTF! GTFOH!
Be a Beast! Be Relentless!
Yours In Fitness,